Dear Puck,

Writing this letter might save our asses and make me look better, now that we're both sleeping with other people. By now, you might have noticed that I have left, and I'm not coming back. Don't feel responsible. We just weren't right for one another. Besides, my busy career prevents me from committing to a serious relationship and you deserve better.

You deserve someone who appreciates all of your special qualities, especially the sexy way you talked about physics at intimate moments. Even though we're no longer together, we'll always have our memories. I'll never forget the time you wore my underwear on accident... and you didn't notice. Odd. But anyway...

They say that time heals all wounds, and I hope that soon, you will be able to have a worthless relationship based solely on sex. When this time comes, I hope we will be living in different state institutions.

Gotta run,
Actie